Confession time. I’m am someone who sometimes freaks out.
I wish that I was someone who finds it easy to take life in stride. But there is this fear mechanism in me. It’s like a well-worn path and it gets triggered in unsuspecting moments. Like yesterday afternoon. I was balancing the checking account and for a moment, it appeared there was less money than I thought. And the freak out started. I could feel the panic rising up from within and I threw myself into the task of trying to come up something I can offer NOW that will create the cash flow needed to stretch out the month. And then the angels said, “Check your math…” They’re smart like that, my angels. Sure enough a number was out of place and the crisis evaporated as quickly as it arrived.
But my heart continued beating a bit faster and there was extra adrenaline in my system for another hour or so that made me feel nervous.
I have a dear friend who is a healer and Reiki master. She doesn’t have a web site and I’m not even sure she has email. She asks God for the right and perfect number of clients to come forward. She is busy when she needs to be and her business slows when she needs time to go within. And she is in total trust with the process. I totally marvel at the way she surfs the ups and downs of life and I long to be more like her. She’s a wonderful teacher and mirror of living with grace.
I think I must have had a bunch of lifetimes filled with lack – because when I’m in flow, I totally good to go. I have faith overflowing and I know things are going to be glorious. But when things slow or the coffers feel a bit thin I freak out. Not as badly as I used to – I mean I used to have gold-medal-worthy fear. Thankfully over the years the intensity of my experience has gentled, but it is still there. And I wish it wasn’t. I’m totally ready to let this piece go.
The angels and God know this about me, though, and they take every opportunity to remind me that everything is OK and I’ll be taken care of through grace. The truth is, this has been my experience throughout my life.
…and I know, that until I let the lack part of my story go, it will continue to rise up on path just to test me.
It’s uncomfortable. But every time I’m triggered and then the veil of fear lifts, I am reminded that I am being cared for.
“Maya” is a Sanskrit word for “illusion” – it speaks to the illusions cast upon the world. They are not real, we just perceive them as such. When maya lifts, the truth is revealed. Yesterday I danced with the maya. For a few short moments I thought I was in trouble. Then without changing a thing, the veil lifted and all was well in my world. It’s a great reminder for me to be more mindful of the stories I tell about my world. Maya is powerful and the world will bend its shape to accommodate our beliefs.
Here’s a reminder to call in the angels when we need some assistance in stepping free of the illusion of fear
Beautiful reminder to trust, Laurel!
Woo! You had me at the photo at the top of the blog (Love. It.) and being self-employed, I have to face the trust issue constantly, regarding income and other matters. Thanks for sharing!
Love this post! I sometimes freak out too, but am learning to trust. Thanks!
I thought the same as Sue above…that beginning photo just made my heart smile and I had to keep reading. I’m so thankful I did because I have that tendency to ‘freak out’ too. I needed the reminders today – both to let my fear and lack go and to trust the love and grace that are taking care of me. Thank you for sharing! {love & light}
Thank you for the loving comments. I love the photo, too. When I found it on Flickr it really evoked a powerful response for me. I found myself looking at it throughout the day. Sending you waves of gratitude and light!
Thanks for this Laurel. I am soo with you. Just recently opened an insurance summary for my husband’s appendectomy (he’s fine) 🙂
Even though my brain knew, we have very good insurance, my eyes just went to all the stuff on the list that said “NOT covered!” I jumped to the conclusion that we owed over $35,000. Of course I went to crazy town right away (I visit more often than I’d like to admit). I kept thinking how can this be? I think I’ve read every create your own reality book every written. How could anyone ever afford to have surgery ever?! Meltdown, tears, etc.
Then something made me look again (angels), I then saw the place where it said “amount you may owe provider” $440.09.
I completely forgot insurance is complicated and just because a charge is listed, that may not be what the insurance company will reimburse them for. Anyway, so very very grateful for the much lower number and for your amazing post reminding me I’m not alone.
Much love (and abundance!) to you.
Hi Nancy – it looks like our abundance angels gave us a similar test. So glad your husband is OK and that your co-pay is a small portion of the bill. Much love and abundance to you, too!
Laurel,
Thank you for being so open! Fear is staggering. It’s great to see that you have built some resistance to it. I know what it’s like to be so in sync with myself and the universe, it feels like nothing can touch me.
Thanks for sharing. Light ahead!